Relationship Magic! by Rivka Perlman | Feb 19, 2012 | Blog | 8 comments Please share your Relationship Magic stories so all of us can learn! 8 Comments chaikie on February 19, 2012 at 11:06 pm something that I find to be really helpful in my communication with others is that, when someone is talking to me about something that they are dealing with, I will try to ask if they want me to give some thoughts, advice, etc., or they are asking me to just listen. I also will try to tell people when I am talking to them about something if I just need them to listen or want to hear feedback. There are so many times when we get it wrong and it invalidates the other person, they can feel frustrated by it and we don’t even know it. We aren’t mind readers and no matter how much you love someone, that saying “if you love me you’ll know”, can create havoc in a relationship. Loving someone means giving them what they need so they can grow, and sometimes we have to ask that person what they need from us in order to give them the way they need to be given to. Reply aliza on February 19, 2012 at 11:51 pm Great vid. btw i have the same necklace, i got it from NY 🙂 **I heard the relationship professional say this story on the radio…A woman was married 2o years to her husband, every morning she got down on her knees to pick up the poppy seeds from the floor bc her husband was a poppy seed bagel addict, he ate it each morning walking around the house and leaving a mess. One day she thought to her self- waht would it be like if one day i would NOT have to to do it??? then she realized, the only way that can happen is when he will no longer be alive!!! She went to the next room and gave him a hug, saying how much she loves him. AMZAZING!!! before i heard this story, simmilar thought hit me. I was tired picking up an item from the floor and bringing it to the laundry basket! Right away i though to myself- would i rather have not been married or pick up the item? Right away i was happy to think to myself- i would NEVER exchange this and am happy to pick this up in exchange for finding my soulmate! Reply Rebecca Shames-Schulz on February 20, 2012 at 2:23 pm The story of the Gift of the Magi sums it up pretty well. Something for all of us to keep in mind with relationships: Mr. James Dillingham Young (“Jim”) and his wife, Della, are a couple living in a modest flat. They each have one possession in which they take pride: Della’s beautiful long, flowing hair and Jim’s gold watch, which had belonged to his father and grandfather. On Christmas Eve, with only $1.87 in hand, and desperate to find a gift for Jim, Della sells her hair for $20, and eventually finds a platinum fob chain for Jim’s watch for $21. Happy to have found the perfect gift at last, she runs home and begins to prepare dinner. When Jim comes home, he looks at Della with an expression “that she could not read, and it terrified her.” Della then admits to Jim that she sold her hair to buy him his present. Jim gives Della her present — an array of expensive combs for her hair (referred to as “The Combs”). Della then shows Jim the chain she bought for him, to which Jim says he sold his watch to get the money to buy her combs. Although Jim and Della are now left with gifts that neither one can use, they realize how far they are willing to go to show their love for each other. Reply RivkaMalka on February 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm I got chills just reading that story. When I read it in 8th grade I was so frustrated. But the way you wrote it, I”m hearing the love thats bigger then any gift. Thanks Rebecca! Reply Rebecca Shames-Schulz on February 20, 2012 at 2:32 pm One more good did bit: During my senior year of High School, we were watching David Copperfield in English class (book written by Charles Dickens). During a scene when David Copperfield is talking about his fiancé, my English teacher stopped the movie, knowing that we weren’t yet experienced to get the message of this scene, so he summed it up for us: “When you love somebody, you love them for who they are not who you want them to be.” Marriage is about two people accepting, loving, and encouraging the other person as they are. True, two people can always encourage the other person to do better and grow with their mate, but two people in a marriage should always remember and cherish the person who they married and foster their personal growth; not try to have them conform to a particular fantasized character. Reply RivkaMalka on February 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm Rebecca, that was sobeautiful, maybe you should write the a Relationship Magic post! Reply Meira on February 20, 2012 at 3:13 pm Rivka Malka, this is great! I would love for it to keep passig around. If I can figure out how, Can I copy & paste your poem as a doc for the Ahavas Yisroel FB Project Group? Reply RivkaMalka on February 20, 2012 at 3:55 pm oy vey! this morning I looked at it and thought – thats way too havy for this video so I deleted it. If you have it somehow,feel free to use it. Thanks for your hard work! Reply Trackbacks/Pingbacks How to Be a Good Listener - [...] back I made a video filmed by Jerome Bethea on the subject of listening called Relationship Magic. His cinematography was beautiful,… Submit a Comment Cancel replyYour email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Name * Email * Website Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.