I remember it like yesterday. I was 13, in a summer camp in Canada. The sun was warm and bright and I sat outside, lounging in my cutest outfit. Exactly who I was posing for in an all girls camp beats me. But it worked. A girl walked over and started talking to me. She asked me my name. “Rivka Malka,” I said. “Oh,” she replied, “You look like more of a Jessica!”
I looked at her, a big grin spread across my face. A little bubble of happiness filled my heart. She thought I was cool! Cool enough to be a Jessica! So cool that my long and clumsy Hebrew name didn’t even fit me. So cool, in my cute little outfit, that I couldn’t possibly be that orthodox.
When I remember that story I have to smile. Who exactly did I want to be? And who did I think Rivka Malka was?
Just the other day I was reading Minchas Erev, by Chana Benjamin PhD.. She writes that the Jewish People were redeemed from Egypt because no matter how much they assimilated they held on to their Jewish names. The exile in Egypt, in fact, was necessary for them to experience a reunion with their names.
What a cool concept! A reunion with your name!
Your name is your essence. It’s the immutable fact of who you are. It’s your personal, individualized spark of G-d and the expression of that spark in this world.
Even Pharoah, she writes, called his daughter Batya – daughter of G-d, because he considered himself a deity. In fact, he was right, she was a daughter of G-d – the One G-d and she raised Moshe and identified with The Jewish People.
All of who you are is only in potential. It’s bound up with your name and its locked up in your name , until you choose to become the thing you are. Chana writes that this is a process that we engage in all day long. “Do I choose to be patient or impatient? Do I choose self-discipline or overeating? Do I choose to pray or to rush through the day? Do I choose to be selfish or to be kind?” We’re in constant movement. With each one of these decisions we either connect or disconnect from who we are.
And more. We connect to G-d by connecting to our names.
I know a Rabbi who likes to say “Judaism is not a religion – it’s a system of personal development.” I knew that he’d thought through this definition when I heard him say it, but I couldn’t wrap my head around it. “If that’s what it is,” I thought, “then where does G-d fit in?” Now, at last it makes sense to me.
Coming into who you are and connecting with G-d are one and the same.
That’s why; and this is the most beautiful part; after we became who we needed to be; after discovering and rediscovering ourselves through the Egyptian bondage, when we finally emerge what’s the first thing G-d reveals to us?
His Name!
He starts the Ten Commandments with “I am Hashem , your G-d!”
By getting to know ourselves we came to know Him!
This is mind – boggling, beautiful Torah!
G-d is loving and supportive. He bound up His process of revelation with our process of self discovery, our success with His glory.
And its all in the name.
So take yourself seriously. Look at your name and find your purpose in it. The answers to your deepest, most existential questions may be right on the tip of your tongue without you even knowing it.
My name, Rivka Malka, used to feel so heavy for me. It wasn’t cute or catchy and people always forgot it, calling me Esther Malka or Rivka Leah or some other more common combination. But the more I learn, the more right it feels.
Rivka was our mother, Rebecca. A woman who symbolized strength. She needed to make her own decisions from an early age. Even within her marriage she was called on to act with what she knew was best for her family. I get a lot of strength from this when I need to act with forwardness or find myself having strong opinions. I try not to use it an excuse for being obnoxious, but as a prod to be courageous.
It also comes from the word Boker – morning, which connotes perceptive as the dawn sheds light on the dark world.
Malka means a queen. In Judaism, a king must always carry with him, a Torah scroll. This is to remind him that he’s just an agent, representing the will of G-d. I feel too, that my ability to be effective in this world is directly in proportion to my working to establish connection with G-d. I keep this in mind when I’m slacking or when I need direction.
There are verses too, that correspond to your name. My verse is all about refraining from sinning. When I first read it, I was 16 and I was insulted! That’s who I am? I have a sinning issue?!
But with time, I see how on target it is. I’m an all or nothing person. I ‘m intense. Intensely joyful, intensely moody, intensely loving, intensely busy. If I want to be who I need to be then I need to know that there are certain things I just can’t do. Period. Because everything affects me so deeply.
I’ve shared just a bit and even this bit helps me tremendously. As my life unfolds, if I’m willing,and if I work at it, more will be revealed.
I still think Jessica is such a pretty name. It’s just not me.
What about you? Where do you find your calling?
Are you a Jessica? And if so, who are you? What’s your soul name, your Hebrew name that the angels will call you when they usher you in to the Garden of Eden? Are you a Leah, a Rochel, an Esther, a Shulamit, a Meira, a Devorah?
What’s in your name? Can you share it with me? Please? I’d love to hear!
My name has always been Jessica and at the age of 19, I found myself at Neve Yerushalayim where everyone seemed to have been adopting new names- their Hebrew ones. I never thought I would despite going to Orthodox Jewish day schools my entire life. Jessica was my name. My Hebrew name seemed so so ugly. Then, just before my 20th birthday, I was listening to a teacher talk about names- the meaning, the responsibility. What he said that inspired the change for me was that “we become what we’re used to hearing ourselves being called”. I was spending a LOT of time praying for the stregnth to handle one struggle or another when it occured to me that my Hebrew name means “Strength”. Thus, I became Onit (from the root word On ad is “Reuven reishit Oni” the first of my strength. I am rarely called Jessica anymore. Onit has become a goal- it’s who I WANT to be. I’m glad I made the change. Thanks for your article. It’s great, Rivka Malka!
Onit, Thank you! That’s such a deep concept, “we become what we’re used to hearing ourselves be called.” I”ll be taking that one with me for the road!
Hi Rivka Malka…sorry this explanation is a little lengthy! So my Hebrew name is Zlata Aviva. I’ve known my Hebrew name since I was a kid because during the years I was in Hebrew school that’s what we were called. It’s the only place my name has really ever been used. I remember though because it’s a long name and I had two of them I insisted that both be used. The teachers would try to call me “Zlata” OR “Aviva” but it’s not what I wanted. I know I am named for two people and I believe I knew that from a young age. Both my English and Hebrew names are for the same two individuals. Lillie…well really Lillian/Zlata was my Baba’s name(dad’s mom). My brother and I are both named with the exact names…not just a letter or a different version and I know how imporant that is to carry her actual name in both English and Hebrew. My middle name uses the “A” in honor of an uncle on my mom’s side. I never understood why people called me “Ami” as a kid when we’d visit family but I answered to it…never knowing that it was because of who that name is in honor of that they felt close using it and speaking it aloud. It never occured to me to question why they never said Lillie. I just went with it. 🙂 What I do know about that person is he is the grandfather of some of the cousins I’ve become closest with as an adult…he was an observant Jew(and I’ve chosen a path of observance), and I recently learned he LOVED being at the Kotel(my favorite place in Israel too). I don’t know about verses or any other meaning of the names except “Aviva” means spring. I’d love to learn more…if you can tell me how to go about it please let me know! I think it would be so special to learn more about my Hebrew name.
HI Lillie, Thanks for sharing with us all about your name. That really is precious. Your ancestors must be so proud of how far you’ve come and that you’re embracing your Jewish Heritage.
The verse that corresponds with your name is one that begins and ends with the same letters as your name. SO your name Zlata begins with a zayin and ends with a hey. (It may end with an aleph, do you know the yiddish spelling?) And Aviva starts with an aleph and ends with a hey. You can find your verse in an Artscroll siddur usually after the morning prayers or at the end. I just looked them up for you but I don’t know the exact translations. When I find out I”ll try and let you know. Take care! Rivka Malka
Thanks Rivka Malka…the spelling you asked about for Zlata ends in a hey…that’s the way it’s spelled on my ring. The same letter at the end of Aviva. If you are able to get the translations I’d be so appreciative. Thanks!
Ok, Lillie! I’ll work on it!
Hi Rivka Malka-
My name is Jessica, and I am proud of my hebrew AND english name! I went through a lot of struggles in the Jewish world about my name. Growing up in the frum world, I got strange looks when I said my name. Lots of teachers would correct me and say “What’s your REAL name?” This always bothered me. True, I have a “soul name”-Yonina. But I also have the precious name, Jessi, that my mother and father chose for me from the bottom of their hearts. I think that has spiritual significance as well. (Besides that I was named for a very holy man named Jesse)
When I switched to Bais Yaakov in HS I felt so uncomfortable with my name and I started going by my hebrew name, Yonina (which is also a “weird”). That just didn’t feel right-I didn’t identify with the name and it felt very superficial and fake, like I was an actress trying to be a Bais Yaakov girl.
Later on I switched back to Jessi, which is, btw, taken from the name Yiska, Sarah Imanu’s other name meaning princess. So really, Jessica is a Jewish name! Knowing that gave me the courage to be called what felt right to me.
Did you know that the name Mordechai is actually derived from Persian, meaning star? There are lots of names from Tanach like that. I learned that I can be called something and still have my true essence, my Jewish name, intact. We can change who we are but still remember who we were…does that make sense?
Anyhow, I am proud of my name, Jessi, after a long struggle with it. Sounds like we had an opposite struggle, no? I guess the grass is always greener!
I am a big fan of Jewish names (hence the fact both my kids have Jewish names) but I am still a big supporter of being called what you have always been called, even when you become frum or develop more as a Jew. You don’t have to have an “identity crises” just because you are becoming more observant. I am the same fun-loving Jessi even though I keep Shabbos!
Sorry for the tangent. This is something I have been thinking about for a while and have never had the opportunity to discuss it.
Love you Rivka Malka!
HI Jessi, Thanks for joining the conversation. I’m so glad you did! You brought up a lot of things that many people will relate to. It’s so important that we approach decisons with authenticity. Even something that can look really righteous may not be the best thing for a person if its coming from the wrong place. I also like your point about not wishing away your former self as if it’s not good enough or not a part of you, but bringing that person, whoever she was into your next level in life.
For clarity’s sake, I want to make a mention that this post is about finding your destiny and how the secret of that that role is embedded in your name. Whether or not you use that name is completely up to you. Love you too! Rivka Malka
P.S.
I am not trying to negate the beauty or depth of a Jewish name. A Jewish name, every single letter of it, has infinite spiritual and kabbalistic depth. We as human beings cannot even fathom. I cherish my hebrew name, meaning dove, and hope to one day fill the potential which my name brings.
My husband and I call each other by our Hebrew names because we find benefit in accessing that potential.
At the same time, find pride in the names our parents chose for us! I just like to make sur ento negate that aspect as well.
Lots of love!
Jessi, you ARE a dove, bringing peace and warmth to everyone who meets you (and the more then thousand people who have seen you on video!)
For a long time I hated both my english and my hebrew names. Which was a problem back then because I didn’t have a nickname until just last year. Everyone would make fun of me and tell me my name is too old or a stupid name or whatever. In hebrew school, I told my teachers to call me only by my middle name, not my first. I hated that my first name in hebrew is so close to a boy’s name. Then when I was getting Bat-Mitzvahed, I had to give my whole name. (My Hebrew name is Yosepha Kayla.) After that, I had less of a problem with it, and now I give my whole name when asked. I still like my nickname in english, but since I am such a tomboy anyway sometimes having the hebrew name I do makes a little sense to me.
🙂 <3
Love you Joan – we’re all still figuring it out. By the way, Yosefa is awesome – exotic and it has to do with adding more – giving it more oomph which is totally you
So beautifully written. My name is Ruchel named after my great aunt I don’t have any clue why they named me this name she was engaged twice and married once without children. I wanted to add a name the ruv said no ur mazel lighs in that of Ruchel imemu not ur aunt and then gave Brucha I will bear children that’s originally why I wanted to add a name so I’ll stick to Ruchel and in that zuchus. I will have a child bezras Hashem
Amen! thank you for sharing!
amen! you should be very very blessed, Ruchel!
The Malka part of ur post was important to me! I have to say I’m happy to have a name that you have! I wonder if people with certain names get along with each other ? For instance, I have friends with the same names…
Rivkamalka, Thank you for your patience with me. As you can see, I am new to the internet! I have played with my name, from using just sason, to saftah, and then “going home” to Shemen Sason, where my heart belongs (Just an explanation, please don’t post that! Actually, don’t post anything I say that you don’t feel will build others!). Anyway, in my last post I hope I didn’t come across negative toward our human names. I believe with all my heart that our names are very important! I love my Hebrew name and it’s meaning. It carries nobility with graciousness! May I learn every day to learn and grow into that!