I was at a relatives house and they were making my crazy! Everything I saw made me wince, and I found myself having conversations in my head with them about what they needed to do differently.
Externally,my relationship with them was nice enough, but strained. I just couldn’t relax. I felt like they were impossible to talk to.
Late at night, when everyone was asleep, it suddenly occured to me that I was the one creating the dynamic. My judgment of them was getting in the way of the flow between us. I suddenly heard my thoughts as if on speakerphone. And it wasn’t pretty. It was a constant stream of critique.
I thought about what my critism was doing to us. I wrote this poem then and there, and I vowed to change.
That was awhile ago.
Fix your clothes
change your tone
treat her right
clean your home!
(as if you’re blind)
how, with a tweak, a push , a pull
your world would be
that much more full.
And not just yours,
there’s his and hers
novice teachers, age old leaders…
I offer up my hidden shame
where in my head, voices blame
and judge – as if I”m in a cube of glass
presiding over faces pass
filing by for my inspection
all they need to reach perfection
Let this serve as my confession
I offer up my haughty nose
my unkind gaze,’my knowing pose
I hereby choose
a lowered chin,
and lowered eyes to look within
To shine with love
on all I see
and save, the harsh bright light,
the one that leaves no stone unturned
My favorite!! A masterpiece!! More, more, more….
thank you for sharing this post. id like to expound upon what you realized from stuff that ive learned from some of the things ive come to learn. i also would like to give you my sincere compliments on putting into action what you realized. not everyone can do that. as far as my challenges go a large amount of overcoming them is “a work in progress” to use your words.
so i understand it like this: we’re creatures of habit/routine/pattern. we have patterns for how we live out each of our days and we have patterns for what types of stimuli evoke certain thoughts and emotions within us. we also have patterns we use for how we interact with others. the more a pattern is used, the more ingrained it becomes…
so to the subject of dealing with other people. we develop patterns with them too. so take a family member for example. remember, these are the people we’ve been using the same patterns with over and over and over again for our entire lives. they may have a specific way of saying something to you or pointing something out with a specific tone of voice that conveys a specific attitude, and in response, you have a specific emotion. acting from that emotion, you perpetuate the pattern with a specific type of response (remember this is our family, so weve been practicing our patterns for years), then they retort and the dance plays itself out as it has since you were children.
some patterns we have are good, and some not so good. the point is, if you ever want to change someone elses pattern, you start by changing your own because that is the one that feeds theirs. this comment might not directly relate to your post, but it made me think of it and i think you can appreciate it too. and i really think that your ability to turn the eye inward is inspiring. thank you for your post.
Marcus, thanks! I read what you wrote and I recognize all to well the dynamic you’re reffering to. In fact, it got me so thinking that I”m changing the last line of my post from “for the most part, yes” to simply “I’m trying.”thanks for your insightful words. Its a life long process